is there an easy way out?

thoughts of you still lingers
i wonder when this would stop
should i use somebody else as a distraction
or should i just wait
till you stop visiting in my dreams
till i forget the way you kissed me
till i forget the way you laugh
till i forget you sleeping beside me
till i forget your face
till i forget how you look like ...
till i forget you

oftentimes, i also wonder
if i ever cross your mind
if you ever think of me

perhaps not...

i'm glad you're happy
just sad that it wasn't because of me

i just wish you did not regret you had me
even just for a while
for it was good while it lasted...
it was, for me...

i still miss you...
i still wish you'd come back...

***

thus, the exode...

why do i always fall for the wrong guy...


... and so it ended
as was expected...

it did hurt nevertheless...

especially when he told me
how much he loves her

it hurts even more to know
that my existence in his life was unwanted
that i was just a mere distraction
that i was the evil one, the antagonist
in his oh-so-perfect love story


and yet, despite everything,
i still love him...

was it right for me to take all the blame?
well, what can i say...
after all, i brought this to myself, haven't i?
i knew it would come,
just didn't expect it would hurt as much
as it does now


most of the times, we try to find meanings in all things
as if there's a reason for everything
as if the people we meet
serve a purpose in our lives
when really, in some occasions,
things just happen for no reason at all...
people come and go...
just that...
plain and simple...

you fall in love,
it didn't work, apparently
you realized that you have put yourself
in some bizarre fantasy world
where you can have whatever your heart desires

then you wake up one day,
and you find out that everything was just a dream
some dream that died long before it had the chance to live
and no matter how painful it is,
you just have to accept the fact
That to him, you are nothing...

were those few stolen moments worth it?
perhaps...
perhaps not...

but like you always say to yourself,
you cannot undo things that already happened...

...

so there i was
in complete surrender
to the man i love...

...

undesired

He is all I crave and this is my curse
Why my heart must be sealed like a grave
For what fate can be worse
Than to know the thrill and passion of fire
And to suddenly find yourself still undesired…

Anon.

i am moving on...finally...

Today I realized my worth.. After months of torturing myself with remorse for hurting the man who loved me, after nights of silent weeping, after countless desperate attempts of winning him back, I decided to stop! To live again and love myself...

My life doesn't have to stop here... I know I've hurt him really bad, but I know that I made the right decision. He deserves someone who could love him just as much as he does.. And it's something that I can't give him.. I tried but I just can't.. not anymore.. It's time to let go...

I also realized that moving on doesn't have to involve another man, or a new relationship.. Love on the rebound would just hurt more. Being in love is always great, but it has to be for the right reasons. I have to start loving myself first...

It's time for me to regain myself.. To gather what I have lost. To make new friends... to win back old friends... to enjoy life.. to party... to dance... to sing.. to laugh...to go for the things I want... to follow my dreams.. to do the things I failed to do, the things I missed... .to smile... to be happy...to be myself..


Today, a friend asked me to join a mountaineering organization. We are planning to go mountain climbing in February. I said Yes!:) and I'm so excited..I can't wait. This is just the perfect diversion that I need...

Yes to a new beginning!!!:)
LIFE IS GREAT!

tell me how...

tell me how to stop the sun
from giving me warmth
against the chilly air

tell me how to stop the rain
from falling
when I love the feel of its droplets
on my skin

tell me how to resist you
when you're so damn irresistible

tell me how not to think of you
when I can't think of nothing else
but your face and your smile

tell me how not to feel what I feel
when you had your lips locked with mine
in a sweet passionate kiss
when you had your arms around me
pulling me closer

it tortures me how you remind me of that promise
of depriving myself of such a wonderful feeling
even when I expect nothing in return

But it was a promise
And I know I have to keep it
For I know it's the only way to make you stay
a little longer...

or for a while, perhaps, if I get lucky...


xxx

trapped from within

if i have to lie
just to make you stay
even just for a little longer
then i will...

even to myself...


i know how this would end
but like a magnet,
i'm drawn into it
like a fire to a moth...

***